Back in NYMAG - In print this time!

Yep, that's right. My diary was one of those chosen by the editors to be included in the print issue about the sex diaries.... of course I did not send in a real picture and instead had a composite created by one of the illustrious NYMag artists....

This is the link:

http://nymag.com/news/features/sexdiaries/2009/60298/

Of course there is the usual assortment of haters but it is what it is. I have had more sex in my 27 years than some people will have in their entire lives.

Nice composite don't you think ?

Hugh Hefner - A true (urban) hedonist hero!

One of my favorite Hef pics - with his longtime girlfriend Barbi Benton in the 70s, note the Playboy Jet in the Background.

Hugh Hefner is profiled in the New York Times this weekend.


Hef as he is called is one of my personal heroes - for a variety of reasons; a true hedonist, he has lived his life to the ripe age of 83 by his own measures - with beautiful women, a great business (that admittedly is in decline) and achieving his own place in business and pop history.

While a lot of people focus on the sex/debauchery, they seem to forget one simple fact - one that I think everyone should be aware of - if you are not successful - you do not control your life. Hef created a business driven by his creative hedonistic vision, and in turn that vision and hard work allowed him to create a sexual garden of eden.

As a fellow hedonist, I am in awe of both his success and his courage in the light of what was - in the 1950s - a stifling sexual and cultural and lest we forget - racial environment.

The best part - is that hef seems to be in a more evolved place sexually when it comes to dealing with women than most men alive - including, if we are being honest, this writer.

He did not see the engagement between the sexes as a zero-sum game but rather as a case of creating an enabling environment. As a man who wants to enjoy sex with a variety of beautiful women, I think there is a lot to learn from hef.

And as a hedonist; who enjoys the world, good food, good drink, great sex and the breadth and width of human possibility - I truly believe one could do a lot worse than emulating Hugh Hefner as a role model.



Pictures courtesy of the New York Times.

The flakiness factor

Of all the bullshit the straight single male in the big city has to deal with, none is more annoying, infuriating and plain capricious than the flakiness of the female gender. Women flake for a variety of reasons... from plain old chickening out, to changing their minds, to absent mindedness....

Now I am not saying that women should not be allowed to change their minds, nor am I talking about disregarding a woman's prerogative.

What I am talking about is the tendency for young(er) woman to not follow through on plans they have made. In fact, I have dealt with so many flakes during my dating career in NYC that I do not trust plans till I have reconfirmed them 24 to 36 hrs before the event.

I have dealt with less flakes as a swinger but this is just because I have a rigorous and no bullshit screening process for couples and single females . And I must admit, I probably have had more than my fair share of luck in that particular process.

However, after dealing with a flake, who would not have told me of her reasons to cancel till the last minute if I had not reached out with my customary confirmatory text, the whole thing just pisses me off. I was really looking forward to some sex tomorrow night and if I had known earlier that she would have been a flake, I would have rejiggered my schedule to make room for a sex party I know of - which is currently ongoing. Now as it stands, there will be no sex for the 646hedonist tonight and definitely no sex for him tomorrow. Fucking annoying.

What I really don't understand is whether women get it.... when you make plans follow through or don't make them at all.... To my female readers - why do young women flake so much ?

Is there some hidden dating agenda/strategy I am not seeing or is it another expression of female power ?

The death of chivalry....

So I was out and about on the LES (Lower East Side) tonight.... with a good friend of mine, his former high school sweetheart and her friend - a hot black girl, who, if I was into sisters, I would have been all over.

The women, nice, cute/fuckable and generally personable were complaining about the death of chivalry in NYC.

"Men don't open doors'
"In the south, men make sure that women do not walk on the curb side of the street"
"there is just a general aggressiveness in this town that makes it hard for women"

I was fascinated, in a morbid way, by their complaints and what seemed to me like a massive sense of entitlement.

Regardless of what the PC thing is to say, chivalry died when feminism became a viable and practical philosophy.

You don't see men - straight, gay or bi waltzing around opening the doors for each other as a matter of principle. Some men do it to be polite, but every man worth his salt in this world knows that you are not owed anything.....

Chivalry made sense in a world where women were 2nd class citizens. In a world where women can succeed as well as men, fuck as well or even better (in numbers and in quality: please see Egan, Tracy) and where their opportunities continue to grow, I am not sure that chivalry has a reason to exist.

Of course, some of my female friends might read this and imply that I am advocating an end to polite and reciprocal relations between the sexes. Nothing could be further from the truth. Women are not nice/welcoming/open or available to all men, ergo; there is no practical reason for the onus to be on men to do so either.

Do be polite, do be respectful, but no - you don't have to open every door, nor do you have to stand up at dinner, nor do you have to buy an expensive dinner to impress someone. Do that for people worth your time and effort, not because you think it is some duty you have to perform to get what you want.

In a strange way, I personally believe that the death of chivalry has wrought something more profound, more honest and more real. Chivalry was fake.

In it's place, in some cases it has brought about real friendship.... the kind of friendship where, if a man is your friend ladies, he will walk you home because he understands the world, he will buy you a drink before hand, he will make sure some guy does not harass or push you around at the bar.

Not because you are a woman, but because you are his friend or his partner - and a real man stands up for those he cares about - friends or more. Chivalry was just posturing; akin to foreplay for a time when sex needed a first act that met some emotional need. On the other hand, that which I refer to, while much harder to achieve, is much more real.