Thinking about Peter Pan Syndrome...

So I was out last week with some old colleagues and I ran into one... an attractive asian girl now in her late 20s... who was mulling over some life changes.

She was thinking about leaving NYC, where she'd grown up her whole life for the relative safety of the midwest.

And why was she making this change... well the subtext was that after years of being in the "scene" (she went to one of the fancy private schools in the city) and having her fun, she was now finding it hard in her late 20s to find a nice professional young man in NYC to settle down with.

And of course she blamed this on the "Peter Pan Syndrome" prevalent here in NYC.

I find this idea fascinating as I hear it more and more as we age... and girls my age are trying to get themselves married off/locked down etc.

I have two criticisms of Peter Pan syndrome - one is structural and the other is behavioral, and b) I believe that women enable it... and should expect it.

First of all, in a town like New York, it takes a long time to build a career. In my business, career success is measured in 7 figures and it takes a lot of dedication, workaholism and focus to get to that level. As such, a lot of the driven, focused young men who might make good romantic partners are very focused on getting ahead.... as they should.. because NYC women (the ones worth dating anyway) make it very clear that they do not date losers. So for most of their 20s, you'll find the career focused New Yorker dating around, but saving his energies and his focus for his career.

And finally, when that career success comes; the first thing on his mind is not a desire to rush out and get married. He's not the one with the biological clock... he wants to enjoy the fruits of his labor... and now, he's finally in a position where he can work a little less and women can work a bit more.

Let's face it - Women do not work for sex and they have an advantage on men from ages 15 till 30; maybe 35 for a sub set... but then the advantage switches to men who have gotten their act together. So why; especially if you are a man trying to enjoy the companionship of a variety of women, are you going to stop when you finally have a good thing going.

Unfortunately it's a hard reality for women to hear, but Peter Pan Syndrome in NYC is caused by a combination of structural issues (you need to make a lot more money to be successful here) and game theory (men now have an upper hand in dating and mating, why would they let that go).

So while it's tragic that my former colleague is leaving our fair town, it might just be what she needs.... the cost of living and the opportunity cost of marriage... both financially and sexually is lower in the midwest.