Thoughts on Contentment

The scene is a hotel room in a gambling town.... the other bed clearly has signs of sex every where - clothes on the floor; we have just ordered room service after a great round of sex... as we eat, my friend feeds me some of her food - which we ordered from the tavern attached to the hotel.

The meal is great, every morsel melting in my mouth, much like her breasts and her pussy had minutes before.... This my friends is what the good life is - room service, amazing sex, great company and the knowledge that this was an escape from the norm, a much needed stress relief for the both of us as the weather gets colder on the east coast - and before my friend escapes to the warmer climes from whence she came.

It was one on one; in the best way.... and you all know how much I enjoy hotel sex... there's something about great service, the fact that you get to leave and the newness of your surroundings.

It was interesting that this was the backdrop for a meditation on contentment. My friend was mentioning to me how she knew a woman who lived in the same town where she had grown up.... in the same house where she and her husband had gotten married, with her family and friends in a 1 mile radius around her. She described this lady as "content" with this simple kind of life.

We too were content in those moments of great sex, great food and great company... and I guess that is what I seek, I guess that is what motivates me; in this hedonistic journey of mine.... that feeling of satisfaction and satiation - right now in an almost purely physical and environmental sense. I guess one day, when I evolve into a higher emotional being, that I might long for someone to love.... but right now, I guess loving the things that make me feel good will suffice for now.....

Back in NYMAG - In print this time!

Yep, that's right. My diary was one of those chosen by the editors to be included in the print issue about the sex diaries.... of course I did not send in a real picture and instead had a composite created by one of the illustrious NYMag artists....

This is the link:

http://nymag.com/news/features/sexdiaries/2009/60298/

Of course there is the usual assortment of haters but it is what it is. I have had more sex in my 27 years than some people will have in their entire lives.

Nice composite don't you think ?

Hugh Hefner - A true (urban) hedonist hero!

One of my favorite Hef pics - with his longtime girlfriend Barbi Benton in the 70s, note the Playboy Jet in the Background.

Hugh Hefner is profiled in the New York Times this weekend.


Hef as he is called is one of my personal heroes - for a variety of reasons; a true hedonist, he has lived his life to the ripe age of 83 by his own measures - with beautiful women, a great business (that admittedly is in decline) and achieving his own place in business and pop history.

While a lot of people focus on the sex/debauchery, they seem to forget one simple fact - one that I think everyone should be aware of - if you are not successful - you do not control your life. Hef created a business driven by his creative hedonistic vision, and in turn that vision and hard work allowed him to create a sexual garden of eden.

As a fellow hedonist, I am in awe of both his success and his courage in the light of what was - in the 1950s - a stifling sexual and cultural and lest we forget - racial environment.

The best part - is that hef seems to be in a more evolved place sexually when it comes to dealing with women than most men alive - including, if we are being honest, this writer.

He did not see the engagement between the sexes as a zero-sum game but rather as a case of creating an enabling environment. As a man who wants to enjoy sex with a variety of beautiful women, I think there is a lot to learn from hef.

And as a hedonist; who enjoys the world, good food, good drink, great sex and the breadth and width of human possibility - I truly believe one could do a lot worse than emulating Hugh Hefner as a role model.



Pictures courtesy of the New York Times.

The flakiness factor

Of all the bullshit the straight single male in the big city has to deal with, none is more annoying, infuriating and plain capricious than the flakiness of the female gender. Women flake for a variety of reasons... from plain old chickening out, to changing their minds, to absent mindedness....

Now I am not saying that women should not be allowed to change their minds, nor am I talking about disregarding a woman's prerogative.

What I am talking about is the tendency for young(er) woman to not follow through on plans they have made. In fact, I have dealt with so many flakes during my dating career in NYC that I do not trust plans till I have reconfirmed them 24 to 36 hrs before the event.

I have dealt with less flakes as a swinger but this is just because I have a rigorous and no bullshit screening process for couples and single females . And I must admit, I probably have had more than my fair share of luck in that particular process.

However, after dealing with a flake, who would not have told me of her reasons to cancel till the last minute if I had not reached out with my customary confirmatory text, the whole thing just pisses me off. I was really looking forward to some sex tomorrow night and if I had known earlier that she would have been a flake, I would have rejiggered my schedule to make room for a sex party I know of - which is currently ongoing. Now as it stands, there will be no sex for the 646hedonist tonight and definitely no sex for him tomorrow. Fucking annoying.

What I really don't understand is whether women get it.... when you make plans follow through or don't make them at all.... To my female readers - why do young women flake so much ?

Is there some hidden dating agenda/strategy I am not seeing or is it another expression of female power ?

The death of chivalry....

So I was out and about on the LES (Lower East Side) tonight.... with a good friend of mine, his former high school sweetheart and her friend - a hot black girl, who, if I was into sisters, I would have been all over.

The women, nice, cute/fuckable and generally personable were complaining about the death of chivalry in NYC.

"Men don't open doors'
"In the south, men make sure that women do not walk on the curb side of the street"
"there is just a general aggressiveness in this town that makes it hard for women"

I was fascinated, in a morbid way, by their complaints and what seemed to me like a massive sense of entitlement.

Regardless of what the PC thing is to say, chivalry died when feminism became a viable and practical philosophy.

You don't see men - straight, gay or bi waltzing around opening the doors for each other as a matter of principle. Some men do it to be polite, but every man worth his salt in this world knows that you are not owed anything.....

Chivalry made sense in a world where women were 2nd class citizens. In a world where women can succeed as well as men, fuck as well or even better (in numbers and in quality: please see Egan, Tracy) and where their opportunities continue to grow, I am not sure that chivalry has a reason to exist.

Of course, some of my female friends might read this and imply that I am advocating an end to polite and reciprocal relations between the sexes. Nothing could be further from the truth. Women are not nice/welcoming/open or available to all men, ergo; there is no practical reason for the onus to be on men to do so either.

Do be polite, do be respectful, but no - you don't have to open every door, nor do you have to stand up at dinner, nor do you have to buy an expensive dinner to impress someone. Do that for people worth your time and effort, not because you think it is some duty you have to perform to get what you want.

In a strange way, I personally believe that the death of chivalry has wrought something more profound, more honest and more real. Chivalry was fake.

In it's place, in some cases it has brought about real friendship.... the kind of friendship where, if a man is your friend ladies, he will walk you home because he understands the world, he will buy you a drink before hand, he will make sure some guy does not harass or push you around at the bar.

Not because you are a woman, but because you are his friend or his partner - and a real man stands up for those he cares about - friends or more. Chivalry was just posturing; akin to foreplay for a time when sex needed a first act that met some emotional need. On the other hand, that which I refer to, while much harder to achieve, is much more real.

Friday Night Fuck....with a twist of domination

It has been a hectic few weeks - with work, projects and various career initiatives pulling me in a variety of directions. Unfortunately, with ms y being a little clingy and work pushing me around, I haven't had any time for anything but work and career issues....

Thankfully I was able to change that tonight. I hooked up with a Greek lady off of AFF. I won't lie, she wasn't the hottest chica I've done in my extra-curricular career.... but she did let me tap into a side of me that I don't usually exhibit.

You see, said hook up has had a lot of non-consensual/submissive fantasies.... And while I can be dominant, it is not my general style of play....However, given her interests, I was intrigued.

And as such, I put together a domination situation/roleplay sequence just for her. I made her meet me in public without any underwear on... and she had to do what I demanded for a half hour. I also made her bring along her favorite sex toy....

I guess I surprised myself with how dominant I became - throat gagging, face fucking, cock slapping; my new friend was game for (almost) everything. I made her suck my dick while fucking herself with the vibrator, gagged her numerous times till she lost her gag reflex, slapped her across the face - with my cock and with my hands (lightly, no bruises here) and called her a bitch, a slut, a whore; I also fucked her with supreme abandon, pinning her down, pulling her hair, .... I choked her - which I do not usually do, but I think the fact that she was so game was a massive turn on for me.

And she loved it.

We fucked numerous times over 4 hrs, I came multiples - including via one very memorable titty fuck and blow job combo I will not soon forget.

While the raunch factor in this particular encounter was off the charts, (I watched her get dressed, then I hiked up her skirt and bent her over my bed for one last round of doggy goodness), I am not sure that I need to get to that level of dominance. I really enjoyed it, but I also enjoy sex when the girl I am with is enthusiastic in general.

I guess the honest to God answer for me is that I will always need a certain level of dominance in my physical encounters, especially if they are just casual; I do know, having been there before in a relationship, that the desire to dominate - all the time - even sexually, fades if there is a real emotional connection; but I think I will always need a sexual partner who understands that part of the physicality that I enjoy is the ying and yang between men and women... and how our bodies fit and interact.

With all that said, I am soooo glad Ms. Alex is throwing an orgy party next Friday... I need some more raunch in my life... and I know a few hot-wives who might be ready to oblige.

PS: It turned out tonight's hook up was new to IR/BBC.... I think it's safe to say that I put in a good performance for all the "brothers" out there. I think she might go black a bit more often in future.....

Another Holiday Weekend, Another gangbang

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