Meet and Greet/Meet and Fuck...

So I had a meet and greet (with a hotwife couple off of AFF) earlier this week. Unfortunately it did not work out like I had planned but I ended up thinking about my experiences with meet and greets... and with meet and fucks...

First, let me explain my terminology:

A meet and greet - in my experience is as the name implies, a chance for a couple to check out another couple or single person, much like a first date, it is a way to see if there are any compatibility issues and can sometimes be over a period as short as 15 minutes to as long as several "dates".

A meet and fuck - which is where I have had the majority of my experience is when a couple or a single lady meet with the intention of sex at the meet. The difference is really one of style because for a meet and fuck, phone calls, text messaging and email takes the place of the date as a way to ascertain (and build) chemistry.

The couple in question for my meet and greet was definitely in the latter school. They did not consider themselves swingers and they liked to "let things evolve".

God bless them. However, my personality - as type A as it is, does not bond well with such couples... and I think that it probably shows. The couples and swingers - like Ms. Alex that I have had great relationships and phenomenal encounters with know exactly what we're there for.

For me Swinging and NSA encounters really are all about the great sex... not the pursuit, not the build up but the sweaty, raunchy action itself.

Fortunately the world is a large place and there are plenty of guys willing to hang around the hoop and play out the "seduction" scenario... and if that is your fantasy, I am definitely not knocking it. However, I have the most success coming in as the stud - I am there to sexually satisfy, add a level of spice and physicality that you might not get, I am present for the great sex... and while I enjoy the chit-chat and get to know you stuff... unless you are one of my old swinging friends... it is all about what we do - on the bed, on the floor, in the shower... etc.

Needless to say, my style and theirs did not gel and after a perfectly polite drink, I excused myself and headed out.

Rejection always stings, whatever the reason but we learn to know ourselves better; because it is a reminder that one cannot be all things to all people - no matter how hard you try.

Another MFM

Another Black (multiorgasmic) cockslut off of Craig's List from a few weeks ago. She stopped by after dinner tonight with her man, it was a quick MFM which ended with me shooting over her face and down her throat. Not my best work in terms of endurance but I was due for some strange.
She appeared to like it too and we all left on good terms.

It was also the first threesome I have ever hosted at my apt... it was satisfactory to say the least.
Not a bad way to start the holiday season....

Best Laid Plans...

So I was supposed to be at a massive orgy tonight. 21 couples and single women RSVPed... with about 30 single men joining... it was going to be an epic fuckfest.

Of course, with my luck, the traffic cascading all over the east coast and the snow advisories, I never made it out of Manhattan.

Oh well, it gives me a chance to think about the past year: it has been a good one in many ways... a tremendous amount of sexual encounters, success in my professional life and a great family life as well.

Some things could be better - I still find it hard to relate to the games vanilla women play, and I am so type A that I alienate some people with my candor. Those are things I am working on, however I am still resistant to the bullshit dating game. I am still impatient with people who I think are wasting my time, I do not suffer fools gladly and I am still fiercely independent in how I handle my affairs - sexual and non-sexual.

I am also being won over by the caliber of some of the black women I am now meeting in my professional circles... I do believe IR sex will always do it for me; but I have also begun to meet attractive, personable black women in a way I did not before - and that is not a bad thing.

My couple play has slowed as of late - I have done a lot more parties and one on ones but I think that is something I am going to kick back up in the new year...

I also do think I need to put myself out there more... I have focused a lot of my energy on the sex part of the equation and I am not getting any younger - I am firmly in my late 20s now; and while i think a long term commitment is still far off, it might make sense to get back on that dating bike - in controlled doses of course.

Regardless, 2009 will go down as a great year for the 646hedonist and I am grateful for the fun, the partners, the sex, the opportunities, my friends and family. I am also grateful to everyone who reads and supports this blog.

I will continue to look for more ways to broaden the readership in the next year.

Happy Holidays!

Thoughts on Contentment

The scene is a hotel room in a gambling town.... the other bed clearly has signs of sex every where - clothes on the floor; we have just ordered room service after a great round of sex... as we eat, my friend feeds me some of her food - which we ordered from the tavern attached to the hotel.

The meal is great, every morsel melting in my mouth, much like her breasts and her pussy had minutes before.... This my friends is what the good life is - room service, amazing sex, great company and the knowledge that this was an escape from the norm, a much needed stress relief for the both of us as the weather gets colder on the east coast - and before my friend escapes to the warmer climes from whence she came.

It was one on one; in the best way.... and you all know how much I enjoy hotel sex... there's something about great service, the fact that you get to leave and the newness of your surroundings.

It was interesting that this was the backdrop for a meditation on contentment. My friend was mentioning to me how she knew a woman who lived in the same town where she had grown up.... in the same house where she and her husband had gotten married, with her family and friends in a 1 mile radius around her. She described this lady as "content" with this simple kind of life.

We too were content in those moments of great sex, great food and great company... and I guess that is what I seek, I guess that is what motivates me; in this hedonistic journey of mine.... that feeling of satisfaction and satiation - right now in an almost purely physical and environmental sense. I guess one day, when I evolve into a higher emotional being, that I might long for someone to love.... but right now, I guess loving the things that make me feel good will suffice for now.....

Back in NYMAG - In print this time!

Yep, that's right. My diary was one of those chosen by the editors to be included in the print issue about the sex diaries.... of course I did not send in a real picture and instead had a composite created by one of the illustrious NYMag artists....

This is the link:

http://nymag.com/news/features/sexdiaries/2009/60298/

Of course there is the usual assortment of haters but it is what it is. I have had more sex in my 27 years than some people will have in their entire lives.

Nice composite don't you think ?

Hugh Hefner - A true (urban) hedonist hero!

One of my favorite Hef pics - with his longtime girlfriend Barbi Benton in the 70s, note the Playboy Jet in the Background.

Hugh Hefner is profiled in the New York Times this weekend.


Hef as he is called is one of my personal heroes - for a variety of reasons; a true hedonist, he has lived his life to the ripe age of 83 by his own measures - with beautiful women, a great business (that admittedly is in decline) and achieving his own place in business and pop history.

While a lot of people focus on the sex/debauchery, they seem to forget one simple fact - one that I think everyone should be aware of - if you are not successful - you do not control your life. Hef created a business driven by his creative hedonistic vision, and in turn that vision and hard work allowed him to create a sexual garden of eden.

As a fellow hedonist, I am in awe of both his success and his courage in the light of what was - in the 1950s - a stifling sexual and cultural and lest we forget - racial environment.

The best part - is that hef seems to be in a more evolved place sexually when it comes to dealing with women than most men alive - including, if we are being honest, this writer.

He did not see the engagement between the sexes as a zero-sum game but rather as a case of creating an enabling environment. As a man who wants to enjoy sex with a variety of beautiful women, I think there is a lot to learn from hef.

And as a hedonist; who enjoys the world, good food, good drink, great sex and the breadth and width of human possibility - I truly believe one could do a lot worse than emulating Hugh Hefner as a role model.



Pictures courtesy of the New York Times.

The flakiness factor

Of all the bullshit the straight single male in the big city has to deal with, none is more annoying, infuriating and plain capricious than the flakiness of the female gender. Women flake for a variety of reasons... from plain old chickening out, to changing their minds, to absent mindedness....

Now I am not saying that women should not be allowed to change their minds, nor am I talking about disregarding a woman's prerogative.

What I am talking about is the tendency for young(er) woman to not follow through on plans they have made. In fact, I have dealt with so many flakes during my dating career in NYC that I do not trust plans till I have reconfirmed them 24 to 36 hrs before the event.

I have dealt with less flakes as a swinger but this is just because I have a rigorous and no bullshit screening process for couples and single females . And I must admit, I probably have had more than my fair share of luck in that particular process.

However, after dealing with a flake, who would not have told me of her reasons to cancel till the last minute if I had not reached out with my customary confirmatory text, the whole thing just pisses me off. I was really looking forward to some sex tomorrow night and if I had known earlier that she would have been a flake, I would have rejiggered my schedule to make room for a sex party I know of - which is currently ongoing. Now as it stands, there will be no sex for the 646hedonist tonight and definitely no sex for him tomorrow. Fucking annoying.

What I really don't understand is whether women get it.... when you make plans follow through or don't make them at all.... To my female readers - why do young women flake so much ?

Is there some hidden dating agenda/strategy I am not seeing or is it another expression of female power ?