Smoothing my sexual consumption curve... or how I learned to love the Weekend Sex Party...

For most of my NYC life, I have been focused on Career/Education, Sex with no strings attached, Staying fit/enjoying the social and cultural benefits of the city [in that order].... It has been a great ride but there has always been one riddle I tried to solve; one problem I struggled to crack - even as I went from an NYC newbie to someone who calls this crazy town home....

As a younger NYC bachelor, my biggest headache - especially as what some might term a commitmentphobe - was dealing with flings, getting sex on a regular basis and dealing with that point in plain vanilla dating when the woman you've been seeing finally realizes that yes - you are one of those guys who is looking for something "fun" and non-serious and that no; the sex or the promise of regular sex wouldn't change your mind.

What this would inevitably result in was; in terms of my sexual consumption; a series of flings over the course of the year - usually lasting 2 - 4 months on average, from the first date, through regular sex and then through the "breakup" if you will.

Sometimes the women - all great girls all of them, realized that I wouldn't want anything more and initiated the disengagement, other times, I had to pull the trigger myself. Away from the flings, the year would be punctuated by 2 - 3 swinging adventures (with couples and singles) and one or two one night stands.

Some years - this combo was enough for a decent amount of sex, in others it was woefully lacking. In addition, given my complete and utter aversion to the pathetic big city male habit of acquiring a girlfriend mainly for the sex - this meant that in some years I dealt with some truly epic droughts (one in my first year in the city was as long as 6, may be 8 months). That was a tough year on a variety of fronts.

I know - especially in my occupation, that a lack of stress relief leaves the 646hedonist stressed and angry on almost regular basis. Combining this with my frustration at the fact that Straight Men are the only ones for whom such droughts are acceptable... Women/Gay and Bi people don't work for sex in the same ways that Straight men are and of course you can see why I have decided to never let my life be decided by plain vanilla considerations.

However, in the past year and a half I have taken advantage of; away from dating and swinging one on ones, one of the greatest swinger traditions of all: the weekend party.

Swingers love to party - in groups, one on ones, same room swap, soft play etc. What the party does is that it takes the onus away from the individual partier and puts it in the hand of a gracious host; who provides a venue, makes introductions and basically allows for the X rated equivalent of a mixer... where sex is on hand and everyone can leave satisfied. There are all kinds of parties - gangbang parties, fetish parties, IR parties.... all girl parties...

Usually held on a weekend night, and advertised on a variety of swinger sites and groups... they are the perfect antidote to a tough week - and a way for people like myself to connect with old friends, meet new people and engage in some good old, consensual, Sport fucking.

I have fucked 10 women at a party in a single night, had threesomes at parties and have enjoyed myself at dedicated party houses, have watched women get double penetrated by men they met 5 minutes earlier while their husbands watched, taken XXX rated photos, cavorted in hotel suites and have played in on premise clubs.

But even more compelling than the craziness I just described in the paragraph above is the promise of variety - which is what keeps party goers coming back... more than any bar, the well run, well regarded sex party is smorgasbord of safe, consensual, no holds barred fun... a way for like minded people to explore in a discreet, safe and orgasmic place.. allowing them to leave their lives behind and then to emerge from the weekend, refreshed, glowing and ready to tackle the week and their lives.

And of course, when plain vanilla friends and coworkers ask:

"How was your weekend ?"

The smiling reply comes back: "it was good, I went to a party and caught up with some friends, it was a lot of fun".

Outstanding Dick Riding...

Take some notes ladies... this is what being fit does for you:

Outstanding work.

God Bless You, you cocksucker....

That's right. God bless the cocksucker, the cock worshiper, the blow-job artiste if you will. The woman who will, via a combination of her mouth, tongue throat and hands, service you to a fulfilling orgasm. They are unsung and unheralded heroes that need more encouragement.

The thought crossed my mind as I was enjoying an exquisite blow job from a blonde hot-wife over the weekend.... a woman whose attention to detail, desire to please and her enjoyment whenever I let go in her mouth put her right up there with some of the best cocksuckers i have ever known (and I've known a few in my time)....

The first time I thought about writing a post/homage if you will to women who give exquisite blow-jobs occurred when I met an IR couple on one of my travels and I asked them how they had gotten together.

Him: Well I put an ad on Craig's list looking for a BBC cock worshiper
She: That's what I love to do. Obviously I had to make sure he was sane and cool.
Him: It didn't take that long for you to do that, we met in a coffee shop and 30 minutes later, we were at my place and you were on your knees.

A few minutes later I got to play with her myself and her beau was right; she was a tremendous cock-sucker. It was her god-given talent.

I truly believe that some women underestimate the power of a good blow-job. , which is why there is still this vocal minority of women who do not do/give oral sex...

God bless them, but the amazing cocksucker knows the power she holds, a power that can be honed with enthusiasm.

I mean, let's face it - some women intrinsically have better rhythm, others feel tighter than others, other women know exactly how to move.... some of this can be taught, some of it can't.... but any woman can learn how to give a great blow-job.

So here's to those women who know how to give the toe-curling, tongue-lashing, body shaking, orgasm inducing blow-jobs I enjoy so much. Reciprocation is definitely your due and yes, you have a right to be popular; you do something I enjoy.... very very much.

Now if only I could find a reliable cock-worshiper of my very own....

Thinking about Peter Pan Syndrome...

So I was out last week with some old colleagues and I ran into one... an attractive asian girl now in her late 20s... who was mulling over some life changes.

She was thinking about leaving NYC, where she'd grown up her whole life for the relative safety of the midwest.

And why was she making this change... well the subtext was that after years of being in the "scene" (she went to one of the fancy private schools in the city) and having her fun, she was now finding it hard in her late 20s to find a nice professional young man in NYC to settle down with.

And of course she blamed this on the "Peter Pan Syndrome" prevalent here in NYC.

I find this idea fascinating as I hear it more and more as we age... and girls my age are trying to get themselves married off/locked down etc.

I have two criticisms of Peter Pan syndrome - one is structural and the other is behavioral, and b) I believe that women enable it... and should expect it.

First of all, in a town like New York, it takes a long time to build a career. In my business, career success is measured in 7 figures and it takes a lot of dedication, workaholism and focus to get to that level. As such, a lot of the driven, focused young men who might make good romantic partners are very focused on getting ahead.... as they should.. because NYC women (the ones worth dating anyway) make it very clear that they do not date losers. So for most of their 20s, you'll find the career focused New Yorker dating around, but saving his energies and his focus for his career.

And finally, when that career success comes; the first thing on his mind is not a desire to rush out and get married. He's not the one with the biological clock... he wants to enjoy the fruits of his labor... and now, he's finally in a position where he can work a little less and women can work a bit more.

Let's face it - Women do not work for sex and they have an advantage on men from ages 15 till 30; maybe 35 for a sub set... but then the advantage switches to men who have gotten their act together. So why; especially if you are a man trying to enjoy the companionship of a variety of women, are you going to stop when you finally have a good thing going.

Unfortunately it's a hard reality for women to hear, but Peter Pan Syndrome in NYC is caused by a combination of structural issues (you need to make a lot more money to be successful here) and game theory (men now have an upper hand in dating and mating, why would they let that go).

So while it's tragic that my former colleague is leaving our fair town, it might just be what she needs.... the cost of living and the opportunity cost of marriage... both financially and sexually is lower in the midwest.

The New Party Blues...

So last night I finally got to make it to an IR party out in NJ that I had heard about from a few friends in the IR scene. The party itself did not disappoint, at least 10 couples, a smattering of single ladies and some very action oriented play....

However my performance was tepid to say the least.

For some reason I was more than a little tentative; acting like a newbie despite my experience .... It didn't help that I did not get to play with some of the hotter chicks at the party but that's also just a case of being in the right place at the right time...

I have told you all about my binge-fucking craziness but last night I was positively restrained - I only fucked 2 new women, a few blowjobs, and there were periods of time when my little man was just not cooperating - at all.

Chatting with a few other guys in the swing scene; the consensus was that it was a combination of a new environment, some self selection on my part (and I did not say this but you all know how I feel about group activity with people I do not know).

I have swung long enough to know that you can't force it and that you cannot expect to be on point every night - being able to fuck 10 different women and a few multiple times... but goddamit, that's what I've done in the past....

Yesterday was a subpar night, but i'll take it over no sex at all... here's hoping for better swinging nights some time in future soon though!

Calling myself out on my own flakiness....

So a few months ago I posted about flakiness being a particular and peculiar affliction of young women in NYC. I have to say dear readers, that I have to eat some of my own words at this point because I too just flaked very badly over the course of the past weekend .....

But in my defense... I flaked on a first date with a plain vanilla chica (who may or may not have given me the hot sex I needed over the weekend) to attend an orgy in one of the outer boroughs where I was thoroughly pleased by several women over the course of the evening.

Was it really so wrong... I was horny and wanted sex... not companionship or conversation...

Take this mea culpa for what is .... I flaked. I'm sorry. But the sex was worth it ;-)

In Defense of Tiger Woods.

So Tiger apologized last Friday. He looked contrite, apologetic and he knew that he had done wrong to his wife, and yes, he knew that he had definitely jeopardized his relationships with his sponsors (who had made him one of the richest men alive) and he had to make amends to them too.

So he did, with the same clarity, self discipline and focus that he has shown throughout his athletic career.

But to the rest of us; he doesn't owe us a damn thing. Professional Athletes aren't role models... they are entertainers and anyone who thinks otherwise must also believe that both the tooth fairy and Santa Claus visit on a regular basis.

I will not lie; as a former black nerd, I admire tiger, despite this brouhaha about his extramarital sex exploits I still do. I admire his mental and physical discipline, his ability to shape his body into something more and his ability to transform that mental discipline into success in his chosen profession.

And as a black man who dates/mates interracially I appreciated his game - his ability to bag the hot swedish former model. He did it fucking right. No baby mama bullshit. No settling here for some discounted version of what his ability and net worth should get him, no domestic violence. Hell, even the mistresses were a hodge podge of great looking talent. There are many guys who would give their right arms to "date" any of the women tiger enjoyed on a regular, non-committal basis. And of course this pissed off some "sisters": who of course always speak for the community: including the many black men that they have alienated over the years.)

(http://tinyurl.com/tiger-hedonist)

So where does Tiger go from here ?

It looks like; for now anyway, that Tiger wants to keep his family together. That is his focus. He will be back to golf but let's be clear - the family man image is gone. He can recover, much like Kobe did from the rape accusations but there will be the mountains of press and tabloid reports in his past.

I personally think that's a good thing. He always had more of an edge than he let on. And now the world knows.... he can go out there and dominate, may be swear a little more freely and have a bit more of an edge to him. We all know he likes to dominate on the course and in the bedroom - if you don't like that - fine, but what the fuck have you - all of you who judge him - achieved in your pitiful, peon-like little lives.

Tiger is a self made alpha male and a winner. He'll be back to his winning ways in short order, in the meantime he has been more successful, with women, his chosen profession and life than any of the so called moralists who are appalled by his behavior. I don't know about anyone else... but in my view - winning is what counts. Everything else is just talk... and cheap talk at that.